It's All For You by Marty Slater

Anita Ellis with Paul Holdsworth

Pain and Vegtables by Kevin McIe

Bedevlied by Kat Simpson

Speak this to your inner child

News & Goings-on

New York City 2001







































































Valley Forge 2001





































































Pasadena 2001



Pasadena 2001







































































Orlando 2001







































































London 2001







































































Milwaukee 2001







































































Dearborn 2001



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Boston 2001

December is upon us once more. For a lot of us, it’s a month of pushing people out of the way in toy stores to get the last Queen Amidala Barbie doll on the shelf, arguing with family about rearranging the furniture to plant a tree in the living room, and spending hours in the cold with a staple gun on a ladder trying to outdo everyone in the neighborhood at the art of making the home look like a fairytale gingerbread house. It sounds like something from a Monty Python episode, but it is in fact holiday season. But, unlike most other December newsletters, there are no Christmassy articles. We do have something a little different, though.

Over the last year or so, Hudson and the HLOFC staff have been trying to show her fans that there is more to her than an actress who once played a maniacal dominatrix who enjoyed slicing up husbands and pointing at things destined to burst into flames. Of course, any public appearances in the past years have been to represent Callisto on stage at conventions, so that’s about all anyone had to go on. Since then, she’s been helping charities, teaching yoga and trying to reveal fans to different aspects of herself rather than the character she immortalized onscreen. With two yoga retreats, the NYC charity cruise to benefit Dean St. Heroes fund [to aid the families of a Brooklyn firehouse whose members lost their lives in the September 11^th attack] in addition to conventions, this year has been different and fun.

We have the wonderful Anita Ellis to thank for her help with charity events. If it weren’t for her, the convention brunches, retreats, and the cruise would never have been spawned. She truly is a gift, not only to Hudson’s fans, but to anyone who has ever met her. If you ever have the pleasure to meet Anita, I’m sure you will see right away that she is one of these people who, without a doubt, was put on this world purely to do good. And although it’s a meager thing, we’re going to dedicate this newsletter to her, because we’re the editors and we say so!

So, in this newsletter, we have a great interview with Anita conducted by Paul Holdsworth outlining what her charity, the James W. Ellis Foundation, is all about. We also have a report of each yoga retreat, which should bring back some fond memories to the people who were able to attend. Some of you may also remember a story about Hudson being given a part in a movie named Several Devils, which ended up as being bogus. The author of that story, Kat Simpson, shares what actually happened.

And lastly,

Happy Holidays and a Wonderful New Year.

- HLOFC Newsletter Editing Team


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It’s All For You
by Marty Slater

I just got back from another Yoga retreat. What happened is difficult to fully accept and impossible to explain, especially to anyone from the West.

Strange, Foreign and maybe Dangerous:

We learn to take control of things and strengthen our ego, because that's what we need to be successful in our competitive world.

Yoga seems to be about putting your ego aside, giving in, and dropping barriers.

When you say that to most people it's like some abstract of art on a wall. At best people will say, or think,  "That's nice" or "That's interesting" (Translation;  "Huh? That makes no sense to me," but to be polite they say, "That's interesting.")

There are surrender poses, but we have seen the movie Patton, and heard him say that true Americans, by our nature, never surrender.

There is tiger breathing that pumps out anger and other emotions, but we are in control and have a stiff upper lip. We are civilized. That's what makes us superior to animals and savages, and gives us an obligation to civilize them i.e. the excuse to conquer. It's complete trash. There are people who are not from the West who have a mastery of themselves far more complete than we can imagine; maybe not even accessible to trained Western minds.

Put your ego aside. Give in. Drop barriers. Surrender. Breathe your emotions. It all seems so contrary, foreign and maybe with the flavor of being dangerous.

I am not knocking anyone else. I also find it difficult to completely accept what Yoga, and the retreat have to offer.

Anatomy:

You usually think your mind is in your head and you breathe in your chest because that’s where your brain and lungs are. The right side of my neck and shoulder hurt. I pretended to breathe into gills on that side. (BTW that helped a lot). It may seem like "So now he has gills huh. First he goes for all that weird stuff, and now he's breathing through gills. Next he'll be smoking funny cigarettes from California and holding a ‘Hudson Is Our Leader’ sign.” It might sound like a cult.

There are other examples of screwy sounding things, but they would take too long to describe here

Selfish : It’s All For You.

In the success and competition mentality, selfish means to succeed at the expense of the failure of others, and to take from people in order to come in ahead of them. Selfish usually means building your ego, being completely insensitive and grabbing as much as you can without letting it bother you. That’s not what selfish means at a yoga retreat.

When I got there I had two suitcases. Hudson Leick helped take one to the cabin I would be in. Me, "Wow, this is service!" HL, "No no. This is your time. It's all for you."

When dinner was over she took trays away and put them with the dirty dishes. It had the same meaning. This is retreat is for you. Accept that. It was a little hard to accept, but I understood how

In the yoga room it was different. I was in a pose, and heard her say "Go into child's pose" (a resting pose)  My first impulses were in line with the success and competition idea. My ego was damaged because I failed. Then, "Who else is doing this now. I don't need to be first, but am I last in this class?" Then I breathed a few times, and realized I wasn't damaging my ego in this pose, and it wasn't about being better or worse than anyone. I was rewarding myself and should be proud of it. It is selfish to put your ego aside without trying to succeed or come in first, and simply accept the idea that “This is for you.”

Such a simple sentence and Hudson or Yoga says it in so many ways. Still it is hard to accept completely, which I haven't done yet, but I'm getting there.  They are very good at generating an atmosphere and attitude, but it is difficult or impossible to explain.

Be Careful.

Much of the above is probably from Yoga itself, rather than from Hudson Leick alone. But I gotta tell you that as high an opinion of her as I have ever had, these retreats topped it all. She's good. Really good. So are the rest of the team she brings.

It was good to have people there who never saw and don't know about the other world of fandom and conventions. The retreat had the same effect on them as on the rest of us, so it’s not a spill over from the other world. Those un-hazed people are a kind of proof.

But... suppose my wife, who I have seen in an audience when some guy who is unimaginably handsome and sexy beyond belief walks onto a stage and releases an atmosphere that energizes, charms and sweeps people away in a manner that has no rival that I have seen.  Now she is in the woods with that guy and all that beauty, charm and sex appeal, and says she was breathing into imaginary fish organs and panting in 3 flavors during a repeated series of pain and release that had her sweating and exhausted her beyond anything she can describe. She almost skipped a session because it was getting too much for her, but decided pain or no pain, somehow “I want to do it again.”  And there is the mysterious music, wonderful scents in the room and the soft voice and gentle touch while he was rubbing something between her eyes as she relaxed after all that that sweaty stuff was over, and how good it all made her feel about herself. How does that sound?

“Hi honey, I’m home. Guess what; I’ve been changed.” How? Changed into what?

This isn't just interesting. It's mysterious, foreign and maybe dangerous.  Be careful about the way you describe things to people, especially if they have seen the other world and know you have.

Well, that last part aside. The retreat was amazing and very helpful. If you think it sounds interesting enough to try, please try. You have little to loose, and a whole lot to gain; more to gain than I know about yet. That's why I am going to the next one.

Marty



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Anita Ellis Interview
by Paul Holdsworth

To most students the stress of mid-terms, finals and term papers is stressful enough.  Imagine facing this with the addition of a major illness, either to yourself or a beloved family member.  At this point the students of Hofsta University turn to Anita Ellis.

Anita's tireless hard work, dedication and support, both emotional and financial, has helped many students at Hofsta to carry on with their lives. On November 26, I had the chance to interview Anita Ellis via telephone.

HLOFC: How are you doing today Anita?

Anita: Very good

HLOFC: When did the James W. Ellis Scholarship come into being and what are its main goals?

Anita: The fellowship came into being about a month before my dad passed away.  He was very much into education and he loved my university.  Knowing he had terminal cancer, I wanted to do something in honor of him to keep his spirit alive forever.

HLOFC: Is the scholarship to provide funds for continued education, or to provide emotional support for the students who are going through it?

Anita: The plan is for both.  Just this past Thanksgiving I reached out to my students who are suffering with losses within their families. We gave a call to one of them, and we sat with another one of them. So when a student gets my scholarship money (s)he also gets my support.

HLOFC: If you could give a student one piece of advice who's going through this, what would it be?

Anita: To talk to someone, talk to a friend, talk to a parent.  Don't lose any time with a parent who is suffering with this disease or any disease.  If they have this disease themselves to keep on living and keep on enjoying life.

HLOFC: I Imagine that a lot of students would want to leave school and go home. What would you say to that student - to do it or to stay in school and stick through it?

Anita: Well, right now I'm dealing with a law school student who's just going through his first stage of chemo.  What we're setting up for him is to pay for one class next semester so that he can keep his mind going and still go through the really intense chemotherapy,  but also do something that keeps him in the school environment.  So basically do whatever you can to make you feel good, to keep your mind up there.

HLOFC: I think most people reading the HLOFC newsletter know of the James W. Ellis scholaship through the charity breakfasts with Creation Conventions. How did the breakfast come to be?

Anita: The way it started was in Cherry Hill, and Anita Schmuckley, who is one of my good friends at Creation, really pushed for it.  I guess there was something that they worked out to have the brunch at the venue, and Gary (co-CEO of Creation Entertainment. ed) needed someone to run it.  At the time I was helping them with the merchandise tables, so I offered to get up early and do the brunch for them.  So by doing that, and Gary and Adam ( co-CEO of Creation Entertainment ed) found out about the scholarship, and they decided to take my organization on as one of their charity causes, for which I thank them 100 percent.

HLOFC: The funds that come in to you now - is that mostly alumni or from charity events?

Anita: Just everything - Anything I do. Recently, students at Hofsta had an event for me and we raised close to $5,000. I first thought it would be less than that but then when I turned around with all the contributions from the different students and people it was close to five.

HLOFC: If someone wanted to contribute to the James Ellis Scholarship how would (s)he go about doing that?

Anita: Just send me the Check and put Hofsta University or the James Ellis Scholarship on the check.  They can send it in care of Anita Ellis, 242 student center, 200 Hofsta University, Hempstead, NY 11549

HLOFC: I know myself that this is an incredible organization and I want to thank you for all the hard work you do for the students.  What keeps you going?

Anita: Well, I mean my heart broke the day before Thanksgiving. A student came to me who's in law school and whose mother's in the fourth stage of Breast Cancer. Every time that you get a little tired of traveling and a little tired of doing something you talk to these students.  You see where they're coming from when they're tying to take care of their Mother's medical bills and stuff, you know why you're doing what you do. So that's how I'll keep on doing this until I can't do it anymore.

HLOFC: Speaking for myself and the readers of the HLOFC Newsletter I want to thank you for your hard work and dedication.

Anita: I want to thank the Hudson fans and the Hudson Leick fan club for their hard work and their contribution. The help from Hudson and the fan club is really going to make a difference to so many students and so many people in general.

HLOFC: Thank you Anita

( Editorial Comment: The James W. Ellis Scholarship is one of the charities that Hudson Leick has given her full support to. Hofsta University is a private University located in long Island, New York. Cost to attend runs from 15 to 20 thousand dollars per year.  Hudson, the HLOFC and Hudson's fans have raised/given tens of thousands of dollars to the James W. Ellis Scholarship.)


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Pain and Vegetables: An account of the Shanti yoga retreat June 2001
by Kevin McIe

Okay, I chose the title because they were the only two things about the retreat out of its thousand joys that were hard for me, so I felt that they count. I’m doing this little story because Anita (head of the HLOFC’s main charity, the James W. Ellis Foundation) said it would be good if someone wrote about it. I couldn’t agree more, because it was a major life changing experience for most, if not all, who were involved, including myself. However, I still don’t see what transpired as a ‘fan’ event, but more of an exploration into the art of yoga, healing and spirituality. Hudson was not an actress, but one of many teachers in this peaceful, safe environment. However, a friend of Hudson’s one night stated an important point. She said: “If Hudson wasn’t coming then face it, none of you would have come.” It was true. Most of us were fans, but fans with an interest in yoga, spirituality, and meditation. Most of us had never done it before…I myself was intrigued because I’d heard Hudson talk about yoga onstage many times and how it had changed her life for the better. I figured what better introduction to it than have Hudson herself teach me the basics. But yes, we arrived as fans. When we left, all were uplifted, more interested in yoga than ever before (I’ve already bought a mat and a tape), and to us, Hudson was a person…not a goddess. For me, that freshened how I see her and I admire her even more, because really she is a truly wonderful person.

The retreat was at a wonderful Jesuit retreat house on Staten Island, NY. I arrived on the Friday, long before everyone, pretty much by accident. The people who ran the retreat venue told me to come back in a few hours so I went to the beach. I came back thee hours later still the only person there. Well, the only student, because I ran into Hudson and her friend Carsen as they were setting up, equipment onto a golf cart for the yoga room elsewhere on the ground. I waited in the lobby not really knowing what to do, then Carsen came in and asked in the retreat office for the sheet showing the rooms. Once I knew where I was going I found my room (not luxurious, but practical, the way I like it) and deposited my luggage, ready to do a little exploring. I left the ladies to get on with their work and went wandering around the grounds. I saw some spectacular sites, such as the top of the hill that looked down on a busy Interstate, actually causing me to gasp in disbelief that such a quiet, peaceful place like this was so close to such hectic, noisy civilization. The other retreaters will remember the ‘grotto’ at the base of the forested hill, which I found also by accident within the first 20 minutes of arriving…an old bear pit that had been converted into a shrine with a small alter and a statue of Jesus. I’m not a really religious person, but I must say that it was one of the most serene places I had ever encountered. I felt a great sense of awe and peace, partly because I noticed something both subtle and profound. Above me stood an icon of the most well known human religious leader, standing next to the universal representation of the Godforce in all cultures: a single massive tree growing out of the rocks at the left hand of the statue. To me they both equally commanded the same power and respect in that place. Personally, it felt profoundly sacred to even an agnostic like myself.

I came back out of that place and ran into Hudson again, so I asked if there was anything I could do to help, just because I didn’t feel right standing around while everyone worked on this thing. So she said that I should go back to the lobby and help people register when they arrived. Well, in the couple hours that followed, only 2 had arrived…a nice girl called Jill, and Walter, a friend of mine and coincidentally my roommate for the retreat. The rest of the retreaters were coming from Albany airport, and since the venue had been changed at the last minute, what was once the closest airport was now quite a ways away, but everyone had already booked tickets, so what can you do? They arrived pretty late, and Mike was a mess, having been stuck in gridlock for eleven hours straight. He went through a lot of crap to make the retreat a success let me tell ya, so I think he deserves as much, perhaps more, thanks than everyone else who helped with the organizing of the retreat. If you want to know how successful the retreat was, ask anyone who went about the change it made to Mike’s mood…he actually smiled!!!! (he’s either gonna kill me for that, or edit it out by the time this is made public <laughs>).

Anyways, we all had dinner, then a little while afterwards we had our first class, which had always remained my favorite of the entire weekend. I’m a night person, so doing the class in the dim light added so much to the atmosphere. We went through a guided meditation first for 5 minutes, then Hudson talked us through he breathing and the poses, and then she and Carsen would move among us, making sure we did them right to the best of our abilities. My favorite part was at the end however, when we would go into the Savasana relaxation pose and do absolutely nothing for about 10 minutes while inhaling strong incense, and while Hudson and Carsen came around us properly repositioning our relaxed bodies and doing little things that felt good (I felt one of them stroking my eyebrows at once point). Well the lights gradually faded out and I went into a half-sleep, meditative state. A flat hard floor never felt so comfortable! It was after that time that I made the promise to myself to start yoga. When we got out of Savasana, we sat cross legged, and said “OM” three times (and you thought they only did that in the movies!!). Of course when we did that, I had a hard time taking in seriously, till I tried and realized the harmony of everyone in the room chanting that sound was really wonderful. Afterwards I tried to get up and found I had trouble standing, as my body was still very relaxed. I told Hudson and she said: “Yeah, you feel stoned, right?” Yeah I did!

She also said that we would all sleep well that night. Right again! Even though the beds were uncomfortable little cots, we were out like lights…well, once two certain girls stopped yapping next door. Right Angela and Kara??? :P

I was fortunate enough to have seen Hudson quite a number of times, which sort of dampened my haze, allowing me to see her more as a person, but I know some people were still hazed, and had a larger-than-life view of her.  They were apprehensive whether this would interfere with listening to her teaching, and while the first classes may have had an element of  ‘Wow, *Hudson Leick* is standing not 5 metres from me!’, it would quickly have been apparent if you weren’t listening.  Very soon, the yoga took over, and you had to concentrate on your breathing.  Breathing is extremely important!

The next morning we went to the dining hall and I had a breakfast of Kashi cereal with almond milk. It was pretty good, and very different, but I still prefer good old-fashioned cow juice on my cereal. The breakfast had to be light, since eating isn’t really recommended before yoga, and we had a class right afterwards. This time, after the meditation, we all participated in some kind of Oriental chant for a few minutes. Didn’t have the same effect on me as the ‘OM,’ (or ‘AUM,’ if you wanna get technical) but it was strange nonetheless. The constant repetition had a strange effect. The yoga class itself wasn’t as memorable as the one the night before, but the one in the afternoon certainly was. I’ll get to that though. I do remember that the class went on far longer as planned and we missed about 15 minutes of lunch. Now here’s where it got interesting for me. The meals were all vegetarian, wonderfully prepared by the chefs of Hofstra I believe. Now, as I said, the chefs should be commended for their vegetarian meals, but I’m giving my own point of view of the weekend, and I’m a Philly Cheesesteak, Filet Mignon guzzling carnivore, so I had a real hard time with this, and basically thought the food sucked (no offense to the chefs of Hofstra of course…I just don’t like vegetables). Especially since our venue was having a women’s spiritual retreat at the same time, and they were sharing the dining hall with us, eating the food prepared there…lasagna and garlic bread!!! I never knew that we were allowed to eat that too if we so chose, and I never noticed a few of the instructors themselves grabbing a plateful. So when the couple hours of free time came, I sneaked out and found a pizzeria! Then I went to the convenience store next door and bought a bag of potato chips to smuggle back in.

I know, I’m horrible.

Anyways, after the free time – which also included a Reiki class and personal massages, neither of which I could afford sadly – there was a second yoga class. This one was a lot harder than the others were. Memorable poses included one called the ‘dead bug’ pose, and another one where you had to lie on your back, raise your legs until they were vertical, then raise your arms and reach for the sky. That was the most difficult one I did that weekend. I never realized how difficult it was to raise my legs in that position! I held it for a little while, but I went into child’s’ pose (a relaxation pose resembling groveling) when it became too much. The strange thing for me was that I could do the shoulder stand pose, which is basically exactly what it sounds like – standing on ones shoulders, but I couldn’t do the supported shoulder stand, which was doing the same thing but leaning up against a wall for support, which was supposed to be easier. I’ve practiced it at home too and it still feels like my legs are on fire each time. But everyone had a different body and had different tolerances. I found mine. One of the more popular poses was the warrior pose, which I could describe as standing proudly with your arms raised horizontally. I could hold that fine, but boy did my shoulders let me know about it in the morning!

That night, Lance, one of the instructors, gave us a seminar on his experience in Qi-Gong. A system originating from martial arts philosophies as a positive approach to life. Although he said to all of us ‘You’re always free to leave if you don’t want to listen to all the rubbish I have to say,’ I found a lot of the stuff he talked about to be incredibly interesting and eye opening. He talked about how to achieve the ‘Indomitable Spirit’ through the power of affirmation in order to break the subconscious programming due to the limitations of our fears and beliefs. Not religious beliefs, but every day beliefs that we put upon ourselves. I know you’re probably sitting there saying, ‘huh?’ You just had to listen to the guy. One of the most profound things he said was that all the atoms in the universe are 99% energy, and that extra 1% is sometimes energy but sometimes matter too, seeming to appear as whatever you perceive it to be. This is a fact too. What it means is that everything, including you and me, is essentially energy. And energy is not confined to a physical body, so that means that we can actually send thoughts and feelings to other people.

Well believe what you like, but I was hooked and ready to listen all night. Afterwards we just all chatted for quite a while, then went to bed, exhausted, but content.

Sunday was the last day of the retreat. The yoga class in the morning was a restorative session, tailor made on the spot by Hudson after asking us where out aches and pains were, then figuring out what poses to do based on that. It was a fun class. I think it was during that session we tried the Tree pose, where you stand on one leg and place your other foot on your inner thigh, all the while moving your arms in a full circle and bringing your hands together in prayer position. Of course I fell over…more than once!

The lunch that day was very good I must say. It was still vegetarian, but it was a wonderful pasta dish, so I commend the Hofstra chefs on that one. It was so good that I had leftovers for dinner that night. After lunch though, was extended free time with room for personal meditation if one so chose to. Instead a few of us hung around and chatted, ending up with one of us getting her hair cut and two more, including me, getting French braided!

Then came the fire circle. Each of us was given a Buddhist prayer paper the night before. The idea was to write on them the things we wish to let go of, then toss it in the fire where it would turn to smoke. We each did this in turn after giving the opportunity to tell each everyone what this weekend meant to them. I really won’t delve into that much deeper, because it was a deeply personal and liberating experience for everyone involved. I’ll just say that it was possibly the most beautiful hour of the retreat. For some, this was when the weekend just got started, as Hudson counseled them after hearing what they’d said at the fire circle, and really helped their problems.

Later on we all horsed around in the yoga room, some dancing, others getting foot massages. Then, soon before everyone had to leave, we went outside and posed for goofy photographs. Take a guess at who the photographer was…

…Yeah it was Hudson.

Well, soon after that, everyone said their good-byes, and the minibus left. Three of us however had planned to leave the next day so we went off and had dinner of leftovers with Hudson a couple of the other instructors, who were also leaving the next night. We had an interesting conversation with one of the men who actually worked there, which ended up with Hudson asking him if he ever had any fun. When he asked her what she meant, she said, “you know, like kiddy fun!”

So after dinner we all went outside…and rolled down a hill!

After a second dinner of pizza, courtesy of a childhood friend of Anita’s, whom she hadn’t seen in years till she stopped at his restaurant to pick up the pies, we basically did what we did the night before. We sat and idly chatted till everyone was too tired to talk any more and went to bed.

The next morning, I was sad to see the place for the last time. I was up at about 5am, pretty much to say goodbye to those who were leaving early, and also to walk around the place once more in the silence of the morning. I went back to the grotto…up to the top of the hill, looking in the opposite direction from the highway to see the harbor, then back down again to pack all my stuff up. I wasn’t sure when my ride was arriving, so we made the most of the time by helping Hudson clear up all that was left. We watered the plants that were brought and left them in the care of the retreat gardener, put all the stuff in the van, and it was exactly when we finished, that my ride finally arrived.

All things considered, regardless of the pain and the vegetables, it was one of the most wonderful weekends I ever spent, and at the beginning I said it was a life changing experience for everyone, regardless of their religious beliefs or reasons for attendance.  Courtesy of Hudson, we were introduced to some wonderful new ideas and people, who also helped the students deal with any worries or issues in their lives.

I have the energy of the yoga class, the beauty of the fire circle, and the Lance with his ‘rubbish’ to thank for that.  And for me it was the gateway to a Summer I’ll never forget.

But that’s my own story, and if you’re sitting at a fire circle in the future, you may get to hear it…


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Bedeviled
by K. Simpson

What's it like to almost have a movie made and almost have Hudson Leick star in it?

About like sticking your finger into an electrical socket. I'm not saying it wasn't interesting, but the worst Chinese curse is "May you live in interesting times." Being wired into several thousand volts of interesting is less fun than you might think.

The whole thing started a year ago last March, when a New York production company read Several Devils online and asked whether I'd be interested in a movie version. At first, I thought it was some kind of practical joke. C'mon—a movie? Of this story? Doesn't happen that way.

But it did happen, or at least tried to. And that's when the trouble started.

Anne Lamott explains it in Bird by Bird. When you get discovered in any way, she says, radio station KFKD starts playing in your head, in stereo. One channel tells you you're so fabulous that David Letterman will ask you to be on his show and be his new best friend. The other channel tells you it's not too late to go into hiding in another country.

It's all true. I was listening to KFKD pretty much full-time by last fall. Then Hudson got attached to the project, and everything only got crazier.

You see, early on, the movie company had asked for a casting wish list, and because it was a wish list, I'd put Hudson's name at the top. We'd never actually get her, of course, but she'd have been perfect for the demon. The producers agreed. And right after Thanksgiving, they e-mailed to say that she was interested in the part.

You don't want to know what KFKD played for the next few days. Let's just say I was happy and leave it at that. It was the first good news about the movie in months.

It turned out to be the last.

All I knew about moviemaking at the time, you could cut on the head of a pin. I'm not much smarter now. But I do know now that movie deals are very, very hard to make and that nine-tenths of the process is waiting. This turns out to go triple for indies. You need money (lots of money). You need name actors. You need distribution. With Hudson attached, we had two out of three, but it takes all three. On top of that, the writers' and actors' guilds were threatening to go on strike. By February, the project was stalled, and I was starting to have second thoughts about all of it.

Then the rumors hit the Internet. Hudson was going to be playing opposite Reneé O'Connor. (No truth to that one.) She was going to be playing opposite Paris Jefferson. (Some truth, but not the way people thought.) An actress 20 years too old for the part was going to play one of the three leads. (Over my dead body.)

And right at this time, the producers were supposed to be meeting with Hudson in New York. She was going to be in town for a "Xena" convention, so they'd set everything up with her agent. I hoped she didn't find out about the rumors, just in case she started having second thoughts herself.

Three weeks went by, and I didn't hear a word from the producers about how the meeting went. That seemed odd. Then this item turned up on Whoosh!:*

03-20-01. For the record, Hudson Leick denied any association with the movie "Several Devils" during a Q&A at the Creation New York City convention on Feb 24-25, 2001.

You don't want to know what KFKD played that day, either. A reliable source told me later that she never met with the producers that weekend, never had a meeting scheduled, never knew anything about it.

There are several versions of what happened, and why. To this day, I don't know what really went on. But whether or not Hudson was misrepresented as being attached to the project, that's how I took it. And after a year of watching the movie go nowhere, I'd finally had enough. Devils was still my property; I held all the rights; I could walk away any time. On March 21, I walked.

Eight months later, I still think it was the right decision.

Ironically, this isn't the end of the story: This summer, a different production company made an offer for Devils. I'm a lot more cynical about movie offers now. Once burned, you know. But it probably won't hurt (much) to take one more chance.

Would the new producers ask Hudson to be in the movie? Don't know. Would she even accept the part? Same answer. She's still my first choice for Monica, so I'd love to see it happen. If it does, you'll be the first to know.

But in the meantime, I'm going to keep KFKD down low and stay clear of electrical sockets.

You can read Kat’s story and many of her other works at her web-site:
www.the-devils-workshop.com

* Kym Taborn, Whoosh.org, Episode Guide general-news section, March 2001 archive
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Speak this to your inner child

You are free
It’s okay
The Supreme Being loves you
I love you
Come on out
Reveal Yourself
You are beautiful
You are home
You are totally free to come out
Don’t be afraid
There is nothing to fear
You have nothing to hide
The struggle is over
Just let it out
Let it go
Be free my child
Everything is going to be okay
Release yourself
Open your eyes
Let people see you
Let them see who you really are
Don’t fight it any more
I quit
It’s over
You win!
You have control
I hand it over to you
I trust you
I will protect you
Come on out
You are free
Show yourself
I am proud of you
You are a good girl
I love you very much
Everybody wants to see you
You are divine
There is nothing wrong with you
Let yourself go
You can do it
Release yourself from pain, from fear, from doubt
The battle is over
The Gate is open
You are no longer trapped
I am setting you free
You are accepted
It’s okay to show your true self
Everyone will be okay with it
Welcome to clarity
Enjoy the pleasure of being awake
You are totally accepted here
And everywhere from now on
You are just a child
You are just a baby
I completely surrender to your love
My heart is open
My heart is wide open
I love you very much
The Divine Being loves you
Thank you for being in my life
You have helped me grow
You help me be myself
I am just going to be myself
Don’t worry about it
I’m just going to go as me
You don’t have to hide anymore
You don’t have to run away from anything
Just stick with the environment
Go as yourself
Stop pretending to be someone else
Just be the way you are

We are asleep in what we perceive as "reality".
The real reality is only accessible when we are awakened.
This real reality is far more grand and mystical than
reality as we know it because when we are awakened,
"GOD" is revealed.

If a painting is covered up how can we see what is underneath?
Similarly, you are a painting. Remove the cover and reveal your art
because what's underneath is beautiful. If you open your window
and let the sun shine in, your flower will bloom.

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